Why are some conversations very difficult? Because they are often set up with EITHER/OR thinking i.e., choose one of the two options available – mine or yours. For example, one of participants of a workshop I did for a global bank told me: “I can either have a candid talk with my manager or keep quiet to preserve my job.” Fight or flight.
The key to success is to use AND to set up new choices. Here is how:
1) Get clarity on what you want – for yourself, for the other person and for the relationship.
2) Get clarity on what you do not want. For example, I do not want to have a heated exchange of words that leaves a bad taste and doesn’t lead anywhere.
3) Combine the two using AND. Search for more creative options. For example, how can I have a candid chat with my manager about micromanagement AND avoid bad feelings?
Give AND a try today