Help and love

“I love my team at work and my family back home. I do so much for them. But I don’t get back much from them. People are thankless. So I decided I won’t do anything for them henceforth” said a coachee recently.

The love that he described is egoic love.

You help me, I help you.

I help you, you thank me.

You make me happy, I make you happy.

And when that doesn’t happen, I will cut off.

This also manifests in different other forms like something is wrong with the world. Or something is missing in my life. Or (s)he is conspiring against me. There is egoic insufficiency.

True love goes beyond all this. It is much deeper. It happens when the attachment to others goes. You do stuff because you love doing it. You help because you love doing so. Not because you expect anything in return.

It’s magical. Try it out, if you haven’t.

Photo by J W on Unsplash


One of the big mistakes I often repeated in the first 20 years of my life was not asking for help when I was stuck. A few key people in the early years of my life pretended to “know everything”. Not knowing “what to do” or “how to do” was not an admirable position to be in. I did not know what to do when the knowledge I possessed did not have the answers. I hesitated to seek help. I suffered silently.

One big enabler of my journey in the next 20+ years of my life has been asking for help when I was stuck. I no longer feel ashamed to seek help.

When you ask for help, you do not fail. Rather, you refuse to fail. It took me 20 years to realize that. Better late than never.

Photo by Craig Philbrick on Unsplash